It’s never too late…to make joy a non-negotiable
For years, I chased happiness.
I thought if I got the right job, had the perfect relationship, ticked the next box on the big life checklist, I’d finally feel it: that light, buzzing sense of "everything's okay now."
But here’s what I learned the hard way: chronic happiness isn't a realistic goal. In fact, it's not even what we're truly seeking. What we're really after is a sense of contentment, with pockets of joy that remind us we're alive. And I believe this become more apparent as we move through midlife.
As the brilliant Brené Brown puts it, *"Joy, collected over time, fuels resilience – ensuring we’ll have reserves of emotion to call on when hard things happen."
Let’s talk about joy. Real, grounded, daily joy. And why you need more of it in your life.
Happiness vs. Joy: What’s the Difference?
Happiness is often tied to outcomes. It’s that high after a promotion, a holiday, a compliment. But joy? Joy can appear out of nowhere. It might come from the smell of summer rain, a text from a friend, or a spontaneous dance in the kitchen.
As author Ingrid Fetell Lee writes in Joyful, "Joy is about feeling good in the moment, and it arises from simple things."
Where happiness often requires certain conditions to be met, joy is available now. It doesn’t need a reason. And because of that, it’s far more powerful than we give it credit for.
The Science of Joy
When we experience joy, our brain releases a flood of feel-good chemicals: dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. These not only improve our mood but can also:
Reduce inflammation
Strengthen the immune system
Lower cortisol (the stress hormone)
Improve heart health
Increase connection and compassion
Barbara Fredrickson, in her book Positivity, notes that positive emotions like joy don't just feel good—they broaden our perspective and build long-term emotional resilience.
In short: joy makes us more well, more creative, more connected, and more open to life.
Why Trying New Things Increases Joy
Here’s where it gets really interesting: novelty feeds joy. When we try something new—no matter how small—our brain gets a hit of dopamine. That’s the neurotransmitter linked to motivation and reward.
Even better? Novelty activates neuroplasticity: the brain's ability to reorganise itself by forming new neural connections. In simple terms, it keeps your brain flexible, youthful and open to change.
Doing the same things day in and day out might feel safe, but it actually dulls our brain's responses. Over time, this can lead to feelings of flatness, stagnation, and even low mood.
That’s why one of the cornerstones of my Joyful July work is this challenge:
Try one new thing every day.
It could be as small as:
Taking a new route on your walk
Trying a new breakfast
Listening to a different music genre
Starting a conversation with someone new
Each one stretches your mind and creates space for more joy.
My Joy Realisation
When I stopped chasing some elusive, ever-present happiness, I started noticing the tiny sparks that were there all along. I built my days around them. I started designing my life with joy in mind, not perfection, not constant productivity. Just joy.
Some days it looks like dancing in the kitchen (let’s be real, that’s most days!).
Others, it’s doing less. Saying no. Resting.
That’s what I now help other midlife women reclaim: the permission to seek and prioritise joy, unapologetically.
If You Want to Dive Deeper…
Here are a few brilliant books to explore the science and soul of joy:
Joyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee
A beautiful exploration of how physical surroundings and design impact our joy.Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson
The science behind positive emotions and how they expand our capacity to thrive.The Book of Joy by Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu
A spiritual and practical conversation on finding joy in a world full of suffering.Emotional Agility by Susan David
Powerful insight on how acknowledging emotions (even the tough ones) opens the door to authentic joy.The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
Challenges the myths of constant happiness and offers acceptance-based tools for finding peace.
Finally…
Joy isn’t a personality trait. It’s not reserved for people who have it easier or smile more. It’s a skill. A practice. A choice.
And it’s available to you, especially when you slow down enough to notice it.
This Joyful July, I invite you to make joy a non-negotiable. Try something new. Do something different. Let joy surprise you.
You deserve it.
With joy,
Clare x